ON THIS DAY OF TODAY—this is what you wanted, isn’t it? Not you as in me, but you as in the reader. Yes, I’m talking to you now in this form. You wanted news, that’s why you’re here. You urned for it, finding any bit to click and pry no matter how much I tried hide it.

This report reveals that there is no big reveal. A writer’s life is not grand; it’s simple and simple stories is what [put just about anything here] call art.

“You don’t want to know about my life,” a basic writer states. Throughout the investigation it was determined that this statement is true.

Medical experts conclude that adults need 7 to 9 hours of sleep each night. But this writer needs 10 to 12. “The best writing happens at night,” she claims. But you, dear reader, must ask if this claim is by choice or by unfortunate circumstance of a body that lacks natural sleeping patterns.

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[put statistic that shocks you here] of adults end up like their parents. But wouldn't you like to know? If your father hoards in three houses, do you hoard in a three-story house? If your mother has depression, do you have anxiety? If only someone was brave enough to write about it to reveal the truth.

This is the news you came for. Are you satisfied? A writer shuts off the spotlight you aim on them. A writer prefers made up characters in made up places to entertain you. You don’t want the real entertainment you think you came for.